Silver’s diary

“Peace” of advice

Dear diary,

I was in a public bus the other day (a one-hour journey), trying not to breath as often as I was normally supposed to. Now you must be wondering why I may have wanted to kill myself. No be so o. (NOTE: no one can commit suicide by holding their own breath).
It was the woman that was sitting beside me-to my left. She had this terrible smell oozing from her direction (thanks to untidiness) and to worsen it all, she was sitting by the window. So with every wind blow I was greeted by an unpleasant slap of her aura. Not just that, she iced the cake by eating boiled egg and roasted groundnut (who does that?).
Anyway, that was not all I was suffering in the bus. On my right was another woman and her overweight son. The boy was about three to four years old according to my guess and he was really giving his mother the time of her life. He pointed at everything the hawkers paraded and cried every time the mother shook her head or said no to his request or ignored him all together.
We were almost half way to our destination (of course I was checking my wrist watch every other minute) when we encountered a little traffic jam. The child saw a hefty man carrying a big carton of plantain chips and as was his habit, pointed at the man and made a ‘come’ gesture with his small pudgy fingers. The poor man took the cue and ran towards our bus, shoving aside two biscuit sellers that were talking. When he got to the bus he stretched his hand into the bus with three chips in it and asked the child’s mother how many she wanted.
In the twinkle of an eye, while I was praying for the bus to move because I was beginning to suffocate, the child snatched one of the packaged chips and started using his tiny teeth to open up the chips.
To cut the long story short, mummy had to pay for the chips, the bus found its way out of the traffic, I was still in the middle of a crisis (make that two crisis), the little boy ate one of the chips, threw the rest out of the window when he saw a chin-chin seller and screamed in tears when his mother ignored him.
Suddenly the driver turned back and angrily warned mummy to caution the screams of her son. That was when the woman on my left-Mrs Egg and groundnut (Mrs EG for short) turned to mummy and told her that she had spoilt the child. She analysed how the child should have been beaten from the very first time he cried for her to buy him something. Then she should have dealt with him when he grabbed the chips and also she should have given him serious beating when he threw the almost untouched chips out.
For as much as Mrs EG was killing me with all her smells put together, I could not help but smile at the words she told mummy.
Unfortunately however, mummy was not at all pleased with the words of advice.
She sparked in fury.
She adjusted in her seat so she could face her adviser and balanced her son (who was no more crying) well on her laps. She analysed in many ways why and how Mrs EG should mind her own business. The difference in the two women’s analysis was that mummy did not stop talking until we reached our destination (eighteen whooping minutes). And by the way, she did not forget to also remind Mrs EG of her stench state.
Mrs EG was quiet throughout the ranting.
Every other person in the bus was either not in the mood, not ready to be insulted or just enjoying the show. So no one said a word.
I was still in the middle of a major crisis.
Dear diary, I cannot say how gloriously excited I was to finally alight the bus of drama. I immediately wiped my face of all mummy’s angry spittle (I dared not wipe it while the action was on, probably she would have turned her rage on me or something).
Funny enough, as I turned back (I don’t know what I wanted to see), mummy and her marvellous little boy were buying yoghurt from a vendor. Her eyes met mine and she gave me a once-in-a-life-time kind of evil eyeing.

This experience taught me that when l eventually have my own children, l will train them well (so help me God). I won’t wait till they start embarrassing me in public and having others insult my parental power. There is nothing like “too small” in disciplining a child.
So what do you think?

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8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Walt Shakes
    Apr 18, 2014 @ 13:00:10

    Hahahahahaa!!! Kai! Damilola, you’re my newest favorite humour writer. Where do I even begin? Stinky Mrs. EG? Mummy’s spittle all over your face? The once-in-a-life-time kind of evil eyeing?
    But finally, this woman won’t know what hit her until her child grows with this his indiscipline.

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  2. mosesabubakar
    Apr 18, 2014 @ 13:42:47

    Reblogged this on abumoses's Blog and commented:
    Read this Hilarious Piece

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  3. ddammii
    Apr 18, 2014 @ 13:47:21

    Walt thank you oooo. I hope the hilariousness helps all of us remember the moral of the story when we have our own children

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  4. Akinmejiwa
    Apr 26, 2014 @ 08:25:41

    Isn’t it said that “spare & spoil”?? All parents should therefore know when and how to spank their little ones……as for the “smello” i’d rather implore her to go get FOREVER PRODUCTS.

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  5. Lana: Living with Post Concussion Syndrome
    May 04, 2014 @ 20:06:33

    Quite the interesting bus ride you had. Being in a closed place with a screaming child can be disheartening.

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